The Heavy Heart of Staghorn Fern

An Entosophy Interview

Entosophy
An Interview with Staghorn Fern
Received by Amanda Nicole
South Carolina Botanical Gardens
7.18.2023

Pre-Interview Statement from Staghorn Fern

heavy hearts
maybe i’m tired of being suspended
maybe i just want to drop

just let me go
i’ve been carrying the weight of the world
on my shoulders
everything is getting me down
pulling me down
it’s all so heavy
so heavy to carry
i’m not sure i belong to this world
do you?

i may have been misplaced
do you think i could return
do you think i could return home?
it seems impossible
it seems impossible to be lifted up
carried
to a place that feels more
like home

i’m too dense for this place
or maybe it’s too dense
for me
it’s weighing me down
it’s all weighing me down
everything
i’m not this heavy
i’m actually light
as a feather
i’m not sure i was meant
to hold all this
carry all this
could i just rest
could i just rest for a moment?
this burden is too heavy
to carry

this burden is me
i am my own burden,
aren’t i?
so how do i let go
how do i let go of pieces
that have become
me
of pieces which i am now
no longer separate from
somehow i let it all
become a part of me
somehow i thought all this
was worth it
was worth carrying
it isn’t
it isn’t worth it at all
it’s weighing me down
it’s so heavy
do you think i’ll ever
look up again?
see the light?
be the light?
i can barely remember being carefree
i’m spilling over
reaching out
what would happen if
i just decided
to break it
what would happen if
i just decided
that it really is all too much

The Entosophy Interview:

Q:  What is your view of Ultimate Reality?

it is heavier than
it needs to be
this place
this time
it’s dense
intense
it’s all heavier
than it needs to be

there’s no question:
we are matter
we are form
we are solid
there’s no question
we have come into being
in a place
made of flesh and blood
physicality
it is certainly not
ephemeral
here

Ultimate Reality is solid

Q: What Ethics flow from this view of reality?

everything you do
we do 
matters
it all matters
it all IS
it hurts
it affects
it touches
it changes things
don’t think for a minute
it’s going unnoticed
nothing is unnoticed
it is all seen
and felt
it all
matters
so act like it does
act like it all matters
act like others can feel you:
what you say
what you do
understand that you can
and are
adding weight
to this world
so do what you can
to make it lighter
do anything you can
to make it
Lighter

it’s too heavy

Q:  What Embodied Expressions -- or, Policies -- flow from these Ethics?

use less
make less
need less
shed all you can
lay down all you can
walk lightly
step lightly
carry less
or, if you’re going to carry anything:
carry one another’s burdens

you could lay down
the material possessions
and instead pick up
heavy hearts
it’s the hearts that matter
it’s the hearts that get weighed down

carry less
less truly is more
it’s very dense here
make room
make less

Q: What challenges do you anticipate?

no one knows how to let go
everyone is afraid of what they’ll be
without all they’ve chosen
to carry
you think you’ll float away
be ungrounded
The Things keep you here
(you think)
but really
they weigh you down
make you wish you were
Anywhere but Here
you can’t imagine being
without the stuff
the matter
the density
you think:
who will i be without it all?
like me
look at me:
if i was smaller
and carried less
would i still be
staghorn fern?
i don’t know
i think so
but does it matter?
sometimes i think
i’d be willing to trade
all this weight
for something
lighter
maybe i could be
something else
maybe i could be
happy

it’s hard for you
to imagine Something Different
Something Without
could be better
it’s hard for you to let go
to let go
to let go

be empty

Q: What is the Ideal Society?

in the Ideal Society
i am lighter
and if not,
then i am carried
in the Ideal Society
i don’t have to carry
all this
alone
in the Ideal Society
there’s not even so much
to carry
it’s lighter
less physical weight
less possessions
but also:
fewer hurts
less grudges
less “emotional baggage”
as you say
in the Ideal Society
we are able to
let it all go
we are able
(and willing)
to carry one another’s burdens
in the Ideal Society
no one has to do it
alone
and none of the hearts
are heavy
like yours
yours feels lighter than mine
may i touch it?
feel it?
for a moment?
and imagine another world?

[ of course ]

in the Ideal Society
there are no walls

Q: Do you have any final thoughts?

my heart is heavy
it helps me to sit with you
to unload a little of
my burden
please know i am
also willing to carry yours
we can do this together
we can carry one another’s burdens
together
it is lighter
it is easier
maybe even
more pleasant
maybe
together
there is no weight at all

you make things lighter
thank you
thank you for being here
thank you
my heart feels lighter
thank you
i think i can carry on
another day
maybe more
it suddenly feels possible
to be here
maybe we’ll make it
after all
maybe i’m not alone
i love you
thank you
thank you for your heart

** after the interview as i was beginning to leave the staghorn fern, a song began to rise up inside me. it was a song i wrote in october 2022, and it’s beautiful to me how perfectly it embodies the medicine of staghorn fern ( a being i didn’t know at the time of writing the song ). as i sang the song to staghorn fern, i began to see images of a star — a supernova, and i came to understand that the staghorn fern had once been a star — a supernova that had died and fallen to earth. hidden in staghorn fern’s density is its starlight, and as i sang the song, i could see the light hidden deep inside its roots and leaves.

as i continued to sing, a thought — an idea — came to me that songs could rekindle the fallen star light of the staghorn fern. i saw the light inside it growing and growing until it could no longer contain itself and broke open in an explosion of dazzling, white starlight.

so a project within a project:

let’s sing to the staghorn fern. let’s sing its light into being again. let’s help it remember who it was and feel at home again.

i invite you to sing to the staghorn fern! perhaps you have one near to you that you might visit, or if you like, you are welcome — and invited! — to send me a video or audio of a song that you would like me to play for the staghorn fern. i have begun to visit this particular plant regularly, offering my love, attention, and a song.

you can send videos and audio recordings to my email: alchemillas@gmail.com
with the subject line: Staghorn Songs